Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
sarcasm needs its own font
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
porn star boner night. come get it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
