you're like a bully in the Christmas story
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
