At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
