hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
