So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
