lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
