Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
