mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
