If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
