So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
