sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
