I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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