Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
