I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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