I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
