Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
