On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
