He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
