Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
