as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
