in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
