why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
