I just saw a hot homeless man
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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