I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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