Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
