Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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