I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
