i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
