I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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