I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
