we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
