I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
