did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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