you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
