Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
