Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
