Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
