i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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