I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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