Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
