There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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