I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
