Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize