Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
