Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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