Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
