i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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