Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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