If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
