Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
