the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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