Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
