i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
