tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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