Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
