Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
