was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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