alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
