Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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