can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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