That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
