really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
