So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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