the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
