We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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