why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
