Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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