she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
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he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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