Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
