I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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