You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
