At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
