lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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