someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
