So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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