no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
