I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
