Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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