I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
