Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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