You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
