Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
